Some time ago, when the weather just started to get nice, my daughter and I were sitting on our porch swing reading a story about insects. Included in this story was a portion that followed a caterpillar, into it’s pupa state. (At the time, I didn’t know how to pronounce it – both myself and my daughter couldn’t stop giggling at what we thought was pronounced “poo-pah”.)
Regardless of how it’s pronounced, it sparked my interest. I had already been thinking of putting together a collection of writings and experiences called “Becoming Ordinary”. My own battle with depression had forced me to take a look at my life and the ridiculous standards that I couldn’t keep up with. Suddenly I felt like I had discovered a living example of what I felt my depression was teaching me. Sometimes we have to stop – plant our feet – and allow ourselves to be ‘ripped open’.
It is through this pain, struggle, even hibernation or cocoon (a time of rest, growing, seeking) that we eventually emerge a butterfly. The difficult, painful experiences in life can feel like being ripped open! But I have started to focus NOT on becoming a butterfly – which is beautiful, graceful, spectacular (which I have been trying to do for many years, ending up exhausted) – but to focus on my willingness to be the caterpillar. Accepting that my life may be long, awkward, and sometimes ugly but it is THROUGH this process that I will end up changed.
Becoming Ordinary: Day 6