This is the post RIGHT BEFORE I decided to ‘own’ my journey and stop writing anonymously.
I have been struggling recently with the following decision: do I add my name and photo to my blog or do I remain writing anonymously. Initially, when I began my blogging journey, I wanted to retain my anonymity. Therefore I created an account, email and ‘identity’ based on the journey that I wanted to share – Becoming Ordinary – rather than my personal information. I also wanted to make sure there weren’t any limitations on my honesty. I didn’t trust that I would allow myself to be totally honest and share openly knowing that a large portion of my audience or readers would know me personally. Ultimately, I was afraid that if I wrote as myself I would be at the mercy of peoples judgments.
I now find myself in a different frame of mind; I am wanting to share my journey with more people. In the past, I have been open and honest with my struggles (even speaking to larger groups of people), and I have had such an amazing reception. People who were then able to voice their own struggles, either privately, in conversation or to their loved ones. That is really what I would like to do with my blog. By shedding my anonymity I can be openly share my blog with friends, family, and hopefully gain a wider audience. Although I continue to struggle with my perfectionism, self doubt and hypersensitivity I am slowly learning to accept who God made me to be. I would love for people to gain some encouragement through my willingness to name, explore and write about my struggles.
Why should this matter? I’ve begun to realize that my desire to remain anonymous is my perfectionism manifesting itself in cyberspace! There are NO corners where this gremlin will not tread! I often live in fear of other people’s judgments of me; what would they really think if they saw the ‘real’ me? To be honest, I am getting tired of kowtowing to my insecurities! How does that quote go? Something like (and I paraphrase) Courage is not the absence of fear, but admitting the fear and moving on in spite of it!
I guess this is what I really want to do. I don’t want to be bound by the chains of fear; fear of failure, fear of misunderstanding, fear of rejection, fear of judgment – and the list goes on.
I finish with these poignant words by Elenor Roosevelt:
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
And I THINK I will…
Becoming Ordinary: Day 52