I wrote the following poem to help me express the war that seems to be present within me as of late. There is a deep war inside me, perhaps in all of us, between the courageous, fierce fighter that I envision and a frightened often overwhelmed juvenile. There is an inner warrior who wants to battle injustice, speak for the needy, champion oppression. Juxtaposed is a child, perplexed and weary who cannot or will not confront for fear of being rejected or worse, challenged beyond capacity. I know ultimately who and what will win, for I believe in a God who is personal – who loves me, calls me by name, and who knows the very words that I speak before I speak them. Yet, inspite of these truths that I embrace, as sure as I have uttered and professed my faith it is coupled with a shadow… I become overwhelmed once again by my finiteness, my lack of premonition… my inability to see and in turn control my future.
This leaves me feeling small.
But I refuse to stay there. I will find what I need to survive: strength, wisdom, power, humility, love, understanding, patience.I will fight and I will hide. I will confront and I will retreat.
I will be both a warrior and a child, because that is who God made me to be.
I fight a battle within,
One akin to warrior and child.
The warrior lies dormant,
Giving only mere morsels of self,
To preserve what little has been left.
Fiercely hungry for power and independence,
Inept hands fail,
So frozen she stands,
Afraid to wield its sword.
Perhaps her battle looks different
Then that of the warrior.
For what good is a warrior without a battlefield?
The truth revealed,
The warrior lies helpless,
Now at the mercy of the child.
Which one will emerge victorious?
Only fate can bet on it’s hand.
As she waits, warrior and child,
She will mould her truth from wisps of hope,
Memories of strength,
Days seemingly wasted.
Like an army of starlings
She will lead and she will follow,
Warrior and child in tandem.
And though she may lose many battles,
She will win the war.
Becoming Ordinary: Day 123